SMUG NATION
Daniel Sedin
The Race for the (Completely Meaningless) President’s Trophy
by Tyler Rowe
Manny liked the President's Trophy well enough. But what he really liked was looking like a Yakuza.
Only a short time ago, I wrote that the Vancouver Canucks were pretty much locked into the #2 seed in the Western Conference. I had already mapped out the scenarios, dreading a 2nd round date against the much improved Nashville Predators who, on the T-Rowe Sports Show (#2), I picked as my favourites in the West. (Provided their scoring by committee doesn’t dry up, I think the Preds at 20/1 is the best Stanley Cup futures bet available). But only a couple of weeks later, the Daniel Sedin-less Vancouver Canucks are riding a six-game win streak, and sit in the driver’s seat for top seed in the conference. With a little help from Manhattan, Vancouver could even capture their second straight President’s Trophy. While winning the Western Conference and the President’s trophy would both be nice feathers in Johnny Canuck’s tuque, there is a difference between one accomplishment and the other: winning the West could be a critical get, whereas winning the President’s Trophy doesn’t matter a lick.
“Duncan, can you come downstairs? Your mother and I would like to speak to you.”
by Tyler Rowe
"We're very disappointed in you, Duncan"
Whenever I was in big trouble as a kid, punishment never came right away. My parents would dismiss me from their presence, and call me down to the living room later on to dispense earth-shakers like, “We’re very disappointed in you” and “Your summer just got a lot shorter, buddy-boy.” When the law was laid down right away, it was always for more minor infractions. For serious discipline, the parental unit needed time to figure out exactly how they were going to serve justice, and they were almost always just (except when they made me cut off my sweet Kurt Cobain bangs in 1994—”Hair is a privilege, not a right” never seems just coming from someone who’s balding). So I know how Duncan Keith felt from Wednesday night until this morning, just sitting up in his room awaiting judgement. The waiting, as it has been said, is the hardest part. But then I was never in a situation where my parents might have been waiting to see how long the kid I bullied was concussed for before they punished me, so I guess its slightly different.
Duncan Keith, Good Canadian Boy
by Tyler Rowe
Lousy things happen by accident everyday. Peyton Manning is playing in the AFC West, but not for my Chiefs; Snooki is going to have a kid; Disney is going to lose 200-million on John Carter, hopefully not affecting the budget for Toy Story 4. All bad things. But when the aforementioned incidents took place, no one was being a jerk on purpose. Peyton Manning doesn’t know I hate the Broncos, Snooki probably didn’t get preggers by design and Disney films can’t be delightful 100% of the time, try as they might. When lousy things happen by accident with no undue recklessness, you can’t really be mad.
Lousy things happen on purpose every day too. They chose to kill off Dale in TV’s The Walking Dead [Spoiler Alert!], even though he was the most compelling character on the show. Some delinquents are partial to Irish rioting in London, Ontario (I don’t care how drunk you are – you don’t pitch bricks at cops unless you live under a dictatorship). Sometimes when I go over to Brian’s house, it takes him a whole 42 seconds to offer me a beer. When people do lousy things on purpose, they’re just like Good Canadian Boy Duncan Keith, who pulled a UFC move on Daniel Sedin Wednesday Night in the Madhouse on Madison.
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